Task 2 - feedback - 10/8/09 - Mrs Trumm

Year 10 – Task 2 Feed Back on the Changing Rights and Freedoms of Aboriginal People

· One the whole most students attempted to include information on each of the four policies affecting Aboriginal rights and freedoms which were; protection, assimilation, integration and self determination.
· The better responses had a clear structure which included an introduction that made reference to the question. Such as ‘The changing rights and freedoms of Aboriginal people changed dramatically between the years 1945 and 2000.’ Each consecutive paragraph then discussed the four policies and provided relevant examples. Some students included whole paragraphs on the Stolen Generations and the Freedom Rides. Lastly, the best responses had a conclusion which briefly summed up what had been discussed in the essay.
· The better responses also had a clear structure, although very few if any responses used the TXXXC writing model throughout the essay.
· The responses that used clear, short and to the point sentences were easier to read.
· Some responses also referred to the question after discussing each policy by confirming that the rights and freedoms of Aboriginal people had changed due to the affects of the policy. This is always a good rule to follow as it shows the reader that you have only included information that answers the question.
· Many of the responses consisted of long-winded paragraphs that often repeated themselves.
· The following is a list of things to be careful of when writing your essays:
- Do not say the word “I” or “I believe”.
- Do not offer your own opinion.
- Do not say you “I am going to write about…….
- Do not use subheadings in your essay. It is not a report.
- If you are unsure of a date, it is best not to put anything. You can, however, keep it general by saying in the late 1950s or early 1960s for example.
- Keep your information in a History essay in chronological order.
- Try to keep your speech in a History essay formal. For example do not say the word “stuff” or “things”.
- In your conclusion do not add any new information, for example some students wrote about Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s apology to the Aboriginal People in 2008. This information falls outside the years in question. Although I do realise that the policy of protection came before 1945.